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Tate's Compass Co.

There was once a couple named Nancy and Mike Tate, and it was their life's dream to have a compass company. They finally saved enough money and started the Tate's Compass Company.

Luck was with them, for the first contract they acquired was to manufacture 750,000 compasses for the Boy Scouts.

Nancy and Mike worked feverishly day and night to meet their deadline, and finished just before the Boy Scout Jamboree was to begin.

On the day of the Boy Scout Wilderness hike, each boy scout was given a Tate's Compass to help them find their way.

Unfortunately, it was discovered a little too late that every single compass was made with the colored point of the needle facing the wrong way, so when one was facing North, the needle pointed to the South.

Needless to say, all of the boy scouts got lost and it was the biggest fiasco known in Boy Scout history. The Tate's compass company went out of business, but from this experience came the familiar adage:

"He who has a Tate's is lost." (Say it out loud).

These are actual comments left on Forest Service comment cards by backpackers completing wilderness camping trips:

*"A small deer came into my camp and stole my bag of pickles. Is there a way I can get reimbursed? Please call."

* "Escalators would help on steep uphill sections."

* "Instead of a permit system for hikers, the Forest Service needs to reduce worldwide population growth to limit the number of visitors to wilderness."

* "Trails need to be wider so people can walk while holding hands."

* "Trails need to be reconstructed. Please avoid building trails that go uphill."

* "Too many bugs and leeches and spiders and spider webs. Please spray the wilderness to rid the area of these pests."

* "Please pave the trails so they can be plowed of snow in the winter."

* "Chairlifts need to be in some places so that we can get to wonderful views without having to hike to them."

* "Need more signs to keep area pristine."

* "A McDonald's would be nice at the trailhead."

* "The places where trails do not exist are not well marked."

* "Too many rocks in the mountains."

* "The coyotes made too much noise last night and kept me awake. Please eradicate these annoying animals."

Here's a groaner!

A scouter and his wife were driving along a rural highway, when they found the road blocked by a herd of cows that had escaped through a broken fence.

The scoutmaster tried honking his horn to scare the cattle from the pavement, but to no avail. For some reason, no sound was heard.

He got out of the car, lifted the hood, and saw the problem, a loose wire, which he quickly fixed. As he got back into the car, his wife asked him if he'd had any luck.

"Yep", he replied.

"Beep repaired!"

A Camper's Ten Commandments

· Thou shalt do thy share and more;

· Thou shalt keep thy sense of humour;

· Thou shalt do thy camp duties to the best of thy ability;

· Thou shalt not cry over burnt food;

· Thou shalt treat other people as you would wish them to treat you;

· Thou shalt not pollute or destroy;

· Thou shalt not giggle all night;

· Thou shalt not forget about personal cleanliness;

· Thou shalt spread thy friendship to someone new;

· Thou shalt listen to thy leaders, for they are wise in the ways of making camp a happy time for everyone.

A Scout Master was teaching his boy scouts about survival in the desert. "What are the three most important things you should bring with you in case you get lost in the desert?" he asked. Several hands went up, and many important things were suggested such as food, matches, etc.
Then one little boy in the back eagerly raised his hand. "Yes Timmy, what are the three most important things you would bring with you?" asked the Scout Master. Timmy replied: "A compass, a canteen of water, and a deck of cards."

"Why's that Timmy?"
"Well," answered Timmy, "the compass is to find the right direction, the water is to prevent dehydration..."
"And what about the deck of cards?" asked the Scout Master impatiently. "Well, Sir, as soon as you start playing Solitaire, someone is bound to come up behind you and say, "Put that red nine on top of that black ten!"